So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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