I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
