I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
