I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize