She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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