Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
