Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
