So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
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I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
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I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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