It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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