have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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