My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
