My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
