the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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