I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
