you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
