My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
