based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
