I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
