I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize