last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
