Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Randomize
