I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
