You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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