benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
