i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
