spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
