We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
