Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
