Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
