I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
