i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize