the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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