you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
