My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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