So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Use "feeling words"
Yay
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
