Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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