Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
