Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
