today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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