It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My ass is underappreciated
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
