i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
