Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
