what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
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I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
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I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats