My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.