JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
