Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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