so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Then you guys just all showered together...?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
