He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
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I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize