i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
