I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
