he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
