i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize