I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
