God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
