1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize