then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
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She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
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No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.