if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.