connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
