My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
