Im at strip club and am horny
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
