really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
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Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
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Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Bring me that man meat
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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