Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
