After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
