my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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