I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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