ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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