I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
