she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
