The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
