You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
