Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
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