she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
