I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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