its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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