His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
