Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
