I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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