oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
