You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
