Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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