I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
